Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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