I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You were trust falling into bushes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
