I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
