That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
