I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
