Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
