jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
