i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
