Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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