i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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