If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
