its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
