My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
