there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
