Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
