i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
