He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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