Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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