just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
