Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
