dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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