I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
