forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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