Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
