All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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