There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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