i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
