hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
