if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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