all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
