I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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