No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
