Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
