So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize