While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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