When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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