I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
