Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
