dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
