I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
