I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
