The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
