Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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