There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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