I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
