quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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