but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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