she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
