How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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