WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
