question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
