The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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