i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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