Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
