I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
