she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize