..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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