I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
