forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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