i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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