:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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