Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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