Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize