like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
