Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
