Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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