i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
