somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
