Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize